Tag Archives: failure

Building Great Relationships

Relationship Truths – Part One: The Power of One

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No matter what kind of relationships you’re engaged in, there are three undeniable truths about YOU:

  1. You were made by God for relationships.
  2.  You have a choice in how you think, feel, and respond within your relationships.
  3.  You alone are responsible for you—your choices, your actions, your responses to others.

We cannot change others, but we can and **should** take responsibility for our relationships—the good, the bad, and the ugly! Taking responsibility doesn’t mean you’re a horrible failure of a human being. On the contrary, it means you are owning your stuff and taking steps to being the best version of yourself!

Owning your stuff does not let others off the hook for their stuff; it is only about taking responsibility for yourself. However, as we begin to take the focus off the other person and begin looking honestly at ourselves, and as we begin taking back our power over our own hearts, minds, and choices, we can effect change in the relationship. Dr. Gary Smalley (in The DNA of Relationships) calls that “the Power of One.”

God’s Word says it this way:

“If possible, so far as it depends on you, live peaceably with all.” Romans 12:18 (ESV)

Ask yourself these questions and be honest with yourself in your answers:

    • Am I only focusing on what others are doing wrong?
    • Am I owning my own thoughts, feelings, and responses? Or am I justifying them?
    • As I begin to own my thoughts, feelings, and responses, what do I need to ask forgiveness for?
    • Knowing that I have the power to change only myself, what can I begin to do differently to improve my relationship(s)?
    • God, what do You want me to see and take ownership of?

“But from there you will seek the Lord your God and you will find him, if you search after him with all your heart and with all your soul.” Deuteronomy 4:29 (ESV)

 

Today is all you have. Make today count!
In the grip of His grace,

Mary

Leading Well

2 Qualities of a Great Leader

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A Great Leader… is Both Confident and Humble

Being a leader brings an entire litany of stresses, challenges, and responsibilities that those who have never been in leadership are unaware of. As a business owner, manager, or boss, the reality of your impact upon the lives of those around you is ever present. If the business fails, these people will be out of jobs, which will affect their families. That alone is a tremendous responsibility.

If the leader leads with a “let’s be buddies” mentality, the likelihood is that someone in the organization is going to take advantage of that, which will most likely hurt others in the process. These types of leaders are vulnerable to the manipulation and dishonesty of the unscrupulous employee. At a minimum, such a buddy attitude can diminish respect for that leader. On the other hand, leaders who rule with an iron fist communicate that the only thing they care about is the bottom line—which also causes a host of problems within the organization, not the least of which is decreased motivation, employee dissatisfaction, and yes, a lack of respect for that leader. Thus leading others, whether in business or ministry, for fun or for profit, requires a delicate balance of humanity (compassion, relationship, respect, genuine concern for the individual, etc.) and business mindedness (concern for the health and profitability of the business or organization), a balance that is difficult to find and challenging to maintain.

When it comes to this type of balanced leadership, a great leader knows herself well enough to be familiar with both her strengths and her weaknesses in these areas and beyond. She is confident in her ability to lead, while humble enough to realize that good leaders continue learning great leadership skills. As a Christian, she will be confident in the assignment she has been given at this place, at this time, and for such a time as this (Esther 4:14b). And she will know that when God calls us to a certain task, He equips us for it. As the saying goes, “God doesn’t call the equipped, He equips the called.”

At the same time, she also knows her shortcomings, and when she blows it, she owns up to her mistake. She does not deny her shortcomings, cover up her failures, make excuses, or blame others when she makes a mistake. She knows that every failure provides a valuable learning experience. And she follows that humility with the determination to get back up and try again, with the intention of doing it better next time.  Though she falls down seven times, she gets up eight! [Proverbs 24:16] And she is stronger, wiser, and better equipped as she does so. Having this perspective also makes her more gracious and understanding toward others when they make mistakes.

It is this combination of confident dependence on Christ and humility that makes her the kind of leader that others respect and even want to emulate. This leader will inspire those around her with her kindness, her confidence, and her willingness to take responsibility for her failures, as well as the honest mistakes of those under her leadership. This grace-full leader will be a great leader in the lives of those around her and she will be an asset to any organization.

Have you experienced any of these scenarios? Do you have questions about anything in this article? If so, comment below. We all grow when we ask and when we share.

Make today count!
Mary

 

[Copyright Mary Comm, 2015. All rights reserved.]

Living Successfully

How to Overcome Destructive Thoughts

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Overcoming destructive thoughts—i.e. taking every thought captive—is not as daunting an endeavor as one might think. The ‘every’ here is not literally every thought—it’s only the thoughts that run contrary or in opposition to God’s Truth. For example, if you experience a setback in your business or ministry, the voice inside your head may say something like, “Well, I did it again. I failed. I blew it. I will never get these things right.” Notice the voice sounds like your own and even communicates in first person. This voice uses “I”, not “you.” Using “I” reinforces the immediate acceptance of the thoughts.

However the truth is that you are not a failure. You may have missed the mark this time, but doing so does not diminish who God says you are. And who does God say you are? You are a child of God, dearly loved, chosen for His purposes before the foundation of the world (Ephesians 1:3-5; 1 Peter 2:9). He loves you with an unfathomable, unconditional love based on the shed blood and redemption of Jesus Christ (1 Thessalonians 1:4a).

For the Believer, failure is merely discovering one way not to do something! It’s merely an opportunity to learn and grow.  It’s a step on the pathway, a part of the journey God takes us on as we become more like His Son Jesus.  But the enemy of God (namely satan) does not want you to focus on your identity in Christ. He wants you to focus on the failure, but not just this failure; he wants you to focus on this failure heaped on top of all the failures you’ve ever experienced.  He wants to beat you up, drag you down, discourage you, distract you, and derail you.

When these thoughts come into your head, ask yourself, would God speak to me this way? If the answer is no, single that thought out and then rout it out! Such deceptive, discouraging, disparaging, and demeaning thoughts have no place in the heart or mind of the Child of God.

To sum it up: Be aware of the presence of a negative thought or response. Identify the negative statement and determine whose voice it is. Refute it based on your identity in Christ*, and repent of ever agreeing with the enemy on this issue in the past. Then declare that those thoughts are in full subjection to Jesus your King.   Finally, praise God for His Truth, His Power, and His Provision in giving you freedom from the enemy’s lies.   This is one way to “demolish arguments and every pretension that sets itself up against the knowledge of God, and … take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ” (2 Corinthians 10:5). Rinse and repeat as necessary. 😉

Stand firm upon God’s Truth that says, “The weapons we fight with are not the weapons of the world. On the contrary, they have divine power to demolish strongholds” (2 Corinthians 10:4). This simple process is your weapon; wield it with strength and confidence as a Child of God and with the boldness of the Lion of Judah! Unlike weapons of this world, the more you use this one, the sharper its blade becomes! The more you practice this demolition process, the more it will become natural to you.

If you are struggling with thoughts of defeat, failure, or discouragement, I can help.  Email me at christianlifeandleadership(at sign)gmail.com.

Blessings on the journey!
mary

*Who God Says I am:

  • Chosen by God: 1 Thessalonians 1:4-5
  • Dearly loved: Colossians 3:12
  • Forgiven: Psalm 103:12
  • His treasured possession: Deuteronomy 7:6
  • His joy and delight: Isaiah 65:18; 62:4 (“Hephzibah” means, “My delight is in her”)
  • One whose name is engraved on His hands: Isaiah 49:15
  • One over whom He dances wildly and with thanksgiving: Zephaniah 3:17
  • One so precious that He treasures my tears: Psalm 56:8

Copyright Mary Comm 2014. All rights reserved.